Things A Father Wants His Daughters to Know
Things I Want My Daughters to know about sex.
I want you to have a healthy and happy life. Part of that is, that I want you to have a happy and healthy sex life. Not the tortured and guilt ridden mess mine has been. To that end, I’d like to offer you some comments from my perspective as a father, to you, as my daughter.
1. Sex is a normal, natural and appropriate thing. It should be a happy and healthy activity.
2. When sex is good, it is like the god of all pleasure and goodness kicks you between your eyes while giving you a full body rub. And if you make a baby from that, it is a great gift. And a great responsibility. Be very very careful. Babies will change your life forever. Be very sure you want one and can care for it.
3. That said, there are dangers out there. From abusive and deadly predators, to physical damage to yourself, the danger of getting addicted, to life threatening and persistent diseases and cancers, to the cares and disruption that having to care for a baby brings you. Protect yourself from diseases. Buy and make your partner use condoms. They are for YOUR protection, you make sure you are responsible for them. Be careful. If you get pregnant, make sure you make responsible and caring decisions for both you and the baby.
4. And if a predator tries to abuse you or kidnap you, KILL them. They do not have the right or permission to touch you or abuse you and they shouldn’t survive to try it on someone else. By allowing slimeballs to get away with lying about it was a joke, or they didn’t mean it, we allow the whole subject of sex to be muddled and embarrassing and the muddle and embarrassment to continue and it perverts sexuality and causes the perversion to continue. I mean it. I’m serious. Kill them.
5. There is a continuum of how interested a person is in having sex. Some people aren’t interested in sex very often at all. Some people aren’t very interested in having sex with me very often at all. Some people are interested in having sex often every day, with anything that moves, and a great number of inanimate objects as well. Try to find a partner who is close to you on the continuum. Marrying somebody whose natural interests are greatly different than yours is cruel. A corollary is: the distinctions between homosexual, bisexual, and others, is probably artificially rigid, with the reality being more of a continuum, and people normally waxing and waning in and out of different interests throughout their lives. People change.
6. Your hormonal changes affect your partner. Often I’d be walking down the street minding my own business, and suddenly be struck by how beautiful every woman on the street was, and how I’d like to drag each and every one of them off to bed. I’d think what did I do to deserve this? Then I’d check the calendar and realize, yes, it was 2 to 3 days before your mother was going to have her period, and I was picking up on her hormonal changes.
7. Guys like to play with their dick. And if you wanted to play with their dick, they’d like that, too.
8. Guys like to look. I don’t know why, whether a guy’s dick is hanging out there plainly, and a woman’s secret garden is hidden, or, that for millions of years men were hunters and looking for visual clues was an important genetically favored survival trait or what, but guys are visually oriented. Take porn for instance. But you already know that. Trying to restrict that once you are a couple is perverse.
9. The structure of a guys dick infers that in order to have sex, a guy has to thrust out into the universe – poking and prodding into things, being aggressive and manipulating the universe. Whereas a woman has to accept the universe into herself and be more receptive in order to have sex. I suppose that means if girls had dicks, they’d be more like boys. I think I meant that to be more profound than it sounded.
10. Guys for the most part don’t get hints and don’t read minds. Don’t expect us to pick up on subtle hints or don’t get disappointed if we don’t get you something or do something you’ve wanted but didn’t tell us about. The tearful: “If you loved me, you’d know what I wanted!” doesn’t cut it. We don’t get subtle hints. We don’t get loud hints. We don’t get loud and obvious hints. If you want something, tell us. Tell us clearly, show us, tell us in small words. Then reward us when we get it. The romantic dream of Prince Charming knowing your every wish is just that – a fairy tale, and none of us does that.
11. There shouldn’t be any “non-discussable issues” between you and your partner. You can agree that you don’t have to agree, and you should have differing opinions and preferences in lots of things – its a relationship between separate individuals after all – but shutting down discussion at all shuts down the ability to learn or progress or fix a situation. Shutting down discussion leads to frustration and frustration leads to bad sex. See issue #5.
12. Most guys are bigger and stronger than you are. Predators are often practiced and devious and have set up traps in order to capture their prey. Don’t go alone to a job interview, make sure you tell a friend or, yes, even a parent, where you are planning to go on a date, or a weekend. There are predators out there, and every year hundreds of girls go missing. You are responsible for protecting yourself, and if you do end up getting in trouble – don’t be ashamed or afraid to yell for help. See issue #4.
13. When does flirting on the Internet become a predator/prey relationship? I don’t know, and neither do you. Take a friend or three along to help scope out the territory.
14. Sometimes sexual behaviors can become addictive. If that happens, seek professional help. We need you to be doing your best and being a productive and successful part of society. Society needs that. We need that. And you need that. We need you to be our happy and loving daughter – and not some slave to an addiction.
15. Take care of yourselves. Don’t do things that hurt. Do good. And remember: I love you.
As a mother of three daughters and a daughter who grew up close to my father. I was curious what you might have written. I Loved it. Very insightful, and frank with a twist of humor. I laughed so much, it almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m sure you were serious, but it was just too funny. I loved the “just kill them part!” My dad sugested I just play dead, but then I don’t think he invisualized anyone wanting sex with a dead body. Oops!